Monday, 16 June 2014

Virginity & Character

This post is one of the Top Posts of 2014 in the list compiled by IndiBlogger.

Virginity means - 'Sexual abstinence before marriage'.
Virginity is sacred as per traditional beliefs, values, culture and religions. 
Virginity also means 'purity' (of thoughts and action).

As mythology & history prove, it's perfectly justified if the men lose their virginity, marry one partner, have extra-marital affairs or additional marriages! 
But, as per Indian culture, girls/women are not supposed to 'think' about or 'entertain' any other person apart from their spouse...
Married women haven't had a better deal...

Devi Ahalya was cursed and turned into a stone by her angry husband- Gautama Maharishi, when it was not her fault. The King of Gods, Indra, had come disguised as her husband & she had entertained him... Later, Shri Ram freed her from the curse.

Ahalya was the first Panchakanya - ("five virgins"), "archetypes of female chastity" - a group of five icons "whose names are believed to dispel sin when recited".


http://sim05.in.com/9e6df8f516ba8963ca9c17d16fd01aba_ls_m.jpg
Agni Pariksha
Fingers were raised at yet another Panchakanya, Mata Sita as she had spent time 'in Lanka' with Ravana. Mata Sita had to take the Agni Pariksha (Fire Test) to prove her purity though she was the wife of Maryada Purshottam Shri Ram...


Why is the society so unfair to the girls or women? 
Why is men's virginity never an issue?
Why are the rules so different for men and women?

From what I know- Even today, girls & women have to follow many Rules & Do's & Don'ts, that are not applicable to the male-members of their family.

A popular ad asks- "Why should boys have all the fun?"

We are living in the 21st Century, right?  

Does it mean we follow the movie SHUDH DESI ROMANCE, get confused and allow & sing- "Chanchal Mann Ati Random..Fisal Gayo Re!" (Roving mind, very fast, slipped away!)



In the blockbuster Bollywood movie, Hum Aapke Hain Koun...!,  the family is playing the game pass-the-parcel. 
That's when the Boy- Prem (Salman Khan) WINKS at the Girl- Nisha (Madhuri Dixit).  
Just then the music stops and the family says it is Nisha's turn.
Nisha protests saying that Prem has done cheating.
When the family wants to learn how Prem has cheated, Nisha doesn't want to tell them that he has WINKED.

Consequently, Nisha accepts her punishment that is not her due.
Later, in the same movie we find that this modern young woman, who's studying 'Computers', agrees to marry her widower brother-in-law, though she loves Prem...

Sometimes, we don't lie/fake, we are silent as we are embarrassed to disclose the reality and thus withhold the truth and even accept what's unfair.

From what I know- As per Indian culture, for an unmarried girl, even a male's wink, gaze, touch... is a no-no. Marriage sanctifies all this.

That's the reason why women were not allowed to act in the first several Hindi movies (Male actors played the roles of heroines.)

From what I know- In India, the virginity of a woman IS a character certificate. 
(Wish it were for men too, but it's not. Unfair that men & women have different character certificates.)

As for a man, we can never know, unless we find he has posted those kinds of pics/videos in online social-networking sites. As the ad goes, only then there is "No Ulloo-Banoing"!

From what I know- Women karein "to character dheela hai"! 
(Quoting the lyrics of a song from the movie- Ready)

From what I know- Bharatiya Naari's izzat (Indian woman's honor/respect) is held in high esteem and is important.

In the Blockbuster movie- Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge (DDLJ), the Girl (Kajol) is shocked that she might have lost her virginity after a drunken-night in Europe. The Boy (SRK), assures her that it is intact as he understands its worth for an Indian woman.

http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/31600000/ddlj-dilwale-dulhania-le-jayenge-31641276-400-225.png

In DDLJ, though the Girl is brought up in London, she still believes in Indian 'values'- Virginity definitely being top on the list. We find that her London-bred suitor is far more Indian culture-conscious than the Punjabi Boy fixed by her father.


In Bollywood movies we have seen the treatment meted to unmarried women who have lost their virginity and worse, are pregnant. They get to earn the society's wrath referred to by terms such as- "Mooh Kaala","Kalmoohi", "Kalank", "Dhabba" (Face-Black, Shameful, Dark Spot, Blot)...
The movies have shown them resorting to suicide or taking revenge. 

The Preity Zinta starrer- Kya Kehna shows the story of a Girl-student who loses her virginity and becomes an unwed mother. Her school-friends humiliate her. They even stage a play that slanders her 'character' and portrays that she should go into hiding out of shame...

The Boy (Saif Ali) responsible for the act, never owns up nor is he or his family scandalized. The Girl and her family has to face the society's ill-treatment. At the end, when he's willing to accept her, she decides to marry another guy (Chandrachud Singh) who loves her despite her condition.

The Girl chooses the other guy & not her unborn baby's father as her partner as he accepts her for what she is, and not as he is forced to take up her responsibility because of her situation.

From what I know- It is illegal for 'Children' or those who aren't 'adults' yet, to indulge in such acts. But unfortunately, such incidents are on the rise...

I feel - we are responsible for our Virginity. It needs care till we reach the right legal age and appropriate state of mind. 

If everyone treats Virginity with responsibility & sanctity, then there will be lesser abortion-cases involving school-girls and unmarried women…


In the recently released movie, HOLIDAY, marriage-match-fixing of the Boy & Girl (played by Akshay Kumar & Sonakshi Sinha respectively) is being considered.

Boy rejects the Girl after meeting her for the first time.

His reasons for rejection are:
1. Girl has one-and-a-half metres long hair & she'll take 6 hours to comb them. Imagine the time-wastage when they have to go out!
2. Girl is 'Sharmeeli & Darpok' (Shy & Scared)
3. Girl looks like 'Abhi abhi gaon se ayee hai' (just now she's arrived from a village). He wants a girl who's stylish.

The audience later learns that the Girl's personality is totally different from what she portrayed in front of the Boy & his family.

From what I know- In India, faking the reality of the Girl is common when she's paraded during marriage-match-making just as fudging the age/educational-qualifications/salary etc of the girl/boy is, so that the match can be fixed...

When the Boy meets her later, he falls in love with the Girl's real 'character' as that's what he is looking for...  Ironically, he accepts her real personality - the same that her family was trying to hide...
Rejection is turned into acceptance.

Later, in the movie HOLIDAY, Girl approaches Boy to show her interest for the marriage-proposal.

Boy asks the girl: Do you smoke cigarettes?

Girl answers: Chhee Chhee... (in other words, she dislikes cigarette-smoking & doesn't smoke)

Boy tells the Girl: But, I like girls who smoke.

Girl 'admits' to the Boy: Sometimes, I have smoked! (as she is desperate to marry him, despite being a non-smoker she agrees to be something she is not in reality- a smoker!)

Boy asks the Girl: Do you drink alcohol?

Girl answers: With my friends I have shared drinks! (by now we know that she is faking her answers as she feels the Boy likes girls who drink alcohol as well!)

Boy tells the Girl: I hate girls who drink!

Girl starts crying!

We understand the intentions of both the Boy and the Girl...

(This was supposed to be a romantic comedy scene in the serious action movie- HOLIDAY)
Why have I shared the above scene? To illustrate that Boys & Girls 'fake' the answers to get desired results.

From what I know- In India, faking Virginity-Status is common during marriage-match-making so that the marriage can be fixed, just as fudging the day/date/time of birth of the girl/boy is so that the horoscopes can match...

True love is when we love someone for what they are- irrespective of any barriers- their virginity-status, educational-status, day/date/time of birth, bank-balance, salary, age, gender, caste, religion, country...

If virginity was not a character-certificate, why would anyone fake answers?

If virginity was not a character-certificate, everyone would have been truthful and there would be no double-standards...

One of the prospective brides, the Boy goes to 'see'  in the movie, What's Your Raashee?, is not a virgin.

The Girl honestly confides to her suitor that she had loved & trusted & lost her virginity to her neighbour, who is now married to another girl...
In the movie, the sensible & empathetic Boy is not shown to have rejected her on the grounds that she is not a virgin... 

From what I know- In many real-life cases, women who have shared the truth about their lost-virginity-status, have been rejected... 

This is really unfair as the women who do share info about their personal lives, wish to start the new relationship with trust.
We may be rejected by the same person who's responsible for our loss! 
We may share the truth, but the alliance may not work. 
We may be rejected because we have shared the truth!
 
From what I know- We keep reading or hearing news like this.

I consider it is double-standards and shocking when the men who are responsible for the loss of the virginity of women, refuse to marry them on the pretext that the same women are no longer virgins & their family wants them to marry virgins! Strange when a non-virgin rejects another non-virgin as the latter is a non-virgin!
The same men are no longer virgins too, but why no 'issue' over the 'tissue' for them?

In the movie 2 States, boy and girl together have lost their virginity. Those hailing from 'cultured' families indulge in acts that they know their parents will never approve.

Girl: Was this your first time?

Boy: With you? Yes!
 
The 'children' withhold all the info about their 'private' moments from their parents and continue the 'action'. They struggle to convince their parents, who oblivious of what their children are up to, are looking for prospective brides and grooms to get their children settled!
The movie based on the book has a happy ending and the boy and girl finally get to marry.
Such real-life stories, like that of the best-selling author of the book, are rare.  

Imagine- What if the boy's father had not set things right in 2 States?
What if the non-virgin Boy and Girl would have had to get married in their 'communities' and never disclosed their lost-virginity-status to their new partners?
What if the persons they got married to had also indulged in similar pre-marital sexual acts, and worse, were suffering from HIV/AIDS?

From what I know- A new relationship should be on the basis of truth, trust, commitment, understanding... certainly not otherwise.

I feel we have one life and we have every right and freedom to decide how we wish to live.

I feel- Both Boys & Girls should be like Queen & make a conscious choice to do the right thing. Queen doesn't do what she is uncomfortable with, though her friend wants her to... 
Also, she shares the same room with three members of the opposite sex and still maintains her Virginity-Status.
Though this was taboo for her mentally-impure fiance!


Virginity (of Boys/Girls) may be lost for many reasons, sometimes for no fault of a person.

If virginity was not a character-certificate, why would girls/women pay exorbitantly for Hymen-reconstruction/Hymenorrhaphy/Hymenoplasty?
Some years ago, I was shocked to read an article in a popular Woman's magazine. The report was about girls resorting to this procedure even though technically they were 'Virgins', just because their Hymen had got ruptured by other means. Hymen-reconstruction was important to prove that they were Virgins though they were so in reality...
The girls feared that their 'character' might be doubted by their would-be partners. The girls felt- 'prevention is better than the cure'.

Many times the individual (Girl/Boy) consciously makes a choice & does what she/he wants, sometimes not bothering about the consequences.

My point is-  Once we do an action like losing our Virginity, we ought to be honest & open.
People hide the truth as they consider that "virginity is a character-certificate" & fear rejection. But, what if their partner discovers the truth later?

A person (Boy/Girl) may ‘save’ himself/herself as that's their belief, however their partner (considered for marriage) may be subscribing to a different belief... I feel it’s best if partners know of one another’s beliefs before a lifetime’s union. If a person has conservative views and has 'preserved' self for that special non-virgin person, then it's a violation of trust & unfair if the latter 'cheats' by hiding their lost-virginity-status.

A Girl may want a Virgin-husband for herself. Then, before marriage, the Girl may inquire to the Boy just like the Girl (Preity Zinta) had asked the Boy (SRK) in the movie- Dil Se- "ARE YOU A VIRGIN?"

Do watch this YouTube video:


Even if the Girl/Boy are open & ask the question- Will they get an honest answer?
There's no way either can prove their true Virginity status...

I feel trust & truth, & a level of maturity amongst others, are essential for relationships.




Topic posted by Anmol


Note- These are my personal views from the Movies I have watched and the News I have read & heard. I believe even you have watched many of these Movies and have never thought about these scenes so deeply... I feel real-life inspires the reel-life and vice-versa. 
I am a Bollywood Movies fan.
I am a Parent.
I AM NO MORAL POLICE.
I respect your views and outlook.

All the images are from Google Images.

Leaving you with some Virginity tweets from Twitter:

Top post on IndiBlogger.in, the community of Indian Bloggers

107 comments:

  1. Anita, an awesome post :) perfectly said and written..

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    1. Thanks Shruthi for the appreciation :) Glad you liked it :)

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  2. Amazing post Anita & with the inclusion of these Bollywood trivia , the entertainment factor has gone notch higher .What a beautiful way to share your view .Enjoyed it thoroughly to say the least.

    http://www.sweetsharing.com/an-open-letter-to-the-righteous-guy-seeking-a-virgin-girl/

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    1. Thanks Garima for such nice words.
      I felt I had to share all these Film scenes. As I started writing, more & more scenes came to my mind. In fact, after posting my Post, I now remember more scenes of movies that extol Virginity! Shall put them sometime later.
      Great to know that you enjoyed reading it :)

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  3. Good mix of Bollywood movies to establish the point :-).

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    1. Thanks Jayanta. Being a HUGE Bollywood movies fan, I had to mention them :) Delighted you liked.

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  4. you see those matrimonial ads .. it always begins with the descriptions of girl .. fairer , taller ,, etc etc ,, educations always mentioned at the end .. thats the problem .. with people .. those quality are just like things you see before buying an object from the market .. and somehow in our society girls are treated like that .. i don't see why there virginity is such an issue .. perhaps the self denial mode both the sexes tends to live in .. ! too many thoughts !

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    1. Thanks for reading & sharing your comment, Ankur.
      Yes, there are double-standards.
      I feel our Society's rules should be common for Boys & girls. All these points are so unfair, mostly for women...

      Delete
  5. U made a strong point Anita. I wonder,what makes us come with such a complex? We live in a hypocrite society..I mean its okay for the men, condoned by women in society but the girl 'doing it' is an outcaste!

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    1. Thanks Vishal. I agree with your views. It's unfortunate that women have to suffer, but sad is the reality...

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  6. I think the premium on virginity is on the wane. It is a legacy from the time Society wanted to ensure that too many Karna's do not spoil the plot of human destiny.

    This is a very difficult social topic to write. Brilliant contribution to provoking thought.

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    1. Rajesh, Even today Virginity is important for many. There are people who hold conservative views.
      I feel- When something is rare, it has a premium attached to it.

      Welcome to my Blog! Thanks a lot for your appreciation :)

      Delete
  7. You present something in such a way that it becomes quite interesting automatically. It is really unfortunate that our society has this double standard, something different for males and females. But then I think slowly-slowly this situation will turn, with education among girls we can make some change in the mindset of our society.

    To be very frank all these things comes from our home only where we do give value to boy child more than girl child. When I had my little angle, 9 out of 10 people reacted in a way that "Oh, accha koi baat nahi, dusra ladka hi hoga". My quick reaction was why Oh? Common I am more than happy with the girl child, and I don't need a second child as a baby boy. She was my Garima (pride) even before her existence came into our life.

    But then one person's thought will not be able to change the societies mindsets. But then I am quite hopeful it will change...

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    1. Thanks Alok for sharing your views and such kind words.

      What you have presented is so true as like me, most of the parents who have li'l daughters as their first-born, can identify with this. May the Society change and may girls & boys get equal opportunities & moral-judgments...

      Even I'm hopeful of change as people like you and me can change and there'll be an impact on the Society too as 'drops of water make an ocean'.

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    2. yup... Right.

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  8. I can see that you are a movie buff, Anita. So am I :) On a more serious note, you have highlighted the issues behind the topic very well. I loved the blog post.

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    1. Thanks Arti. Welcome to my space :)
      They say movies are a mirror of our society. Being a movies fan, I had to present my views!
      Glad that you loved reading this.

      Delete
  9. Virginity is too much a hype revolving around a tissue...and that too only a woman is subjected to it. In this century and in these times it is sad if people still believe in such superficial sanctity.

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    1. True. Women have to bear the brunt. Why such double-standards in society?
      But, I feel- up to a particular legal age, Virginity-preservation is required, Red, and that's applicable for both boys and girls.

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  10. I don't know how do you write with such patience. The detail with which you presented this all is appreciable... I would have roared or banged my head after thinking about all the injustice against women that takes place in our country..

    Girls are considered as the tag of family esteem. They aren't allowed to answer back, argue and choose a partner for their life. I hate those people who want girls to remain submissive all their lives. I feel like stabbing those bastards. Forgive me if I am getting too very emotional about this. But one who experiences I'll treatment either gets violent and agitated or simply submits before the force.

    The exmaples, the details and the overall presentation is awesome in this post. You have done a great job here. :)

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    1. Thanks Namrata for sharing what you feel & for your appreciation.
      Yes, we feel strongly about the injustice to women. Even my blood boils.

      You are right that in such cases, girls get either aggressive/stronger or submissive/commit suicide - that's what the Hindi Movies portray too...

      I presented all this as my fingers just didn't stop typing once I started... you can gauge by the length of this post :P
      And this is not a contest Post either :D
      I wrote it hoping that some teen who's planning to lose his/her Virginity, will read this and rethink...

      Delete
  11. wow! totally loved reading this post. true to the core!
    sad how we objectify women and there are so rules for women but none for men.

    Parul

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    1. Thanks Parul for reading & for sharing :) Delighted that you loved it!
      Effort feels worth :)

      Delete
  12. hypocrisy at its best. of the sexual kind. we want to somehow reject the fact that sex is the most natural instinct in any living mechanism. withhold it, deny it , for ever , for a short period , we feel we have achieved great things. silly . both for boys and girls. but girls will have to carry the consequence . so be careful. and forget about equality. there is nothing like it at least in sex. it is a give and take arrangement . so the taker has to be careful . that is all . and if the present trend is any indication the word virginity will go off dictionary soon. and that is positive.

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    1. Thanks Sir for reading & commenting :)
      Most religions hold it in high esteem.
      I do hope that a certain degree of sanctity is forever associated with Virginity taking in view the youngsters who unfortunately are sexually active. Ignorance can create complications - mental & health deterioration...
      May times we never think of the consequences of actions...

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  13. The whole point of the t-issue... you have nicely explained and analysed... not to forget the entertainment quotient :) Well Done.

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    1. Thanks a lot for the recognition & such nice words, Kokila :) Glad you liked it.

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  14. well i forgot the main point. yr post made good reading. i forgot the entertainment angle too. i took it dead serious. u made it sound light and that way made a lot of people read it . good work. keep going

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    1. Thank you so much Sir :) Means a lot :)
      I feel- society needs to be open, read, share and be informed even about such topics that are shoved under the carpet or discussed in hush-hush whispers :)
      Entertainment, entertainment, entertainment can sell & inform serious topics too! :)

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  15. very well written.. impressive work.. the way you have combined bollywood film examples forced me to recall some personal experience that match fixing of shaadi, yes this is right .. boys and their Mamma dears want a PARI who can perform all household chores, who can adjust, for whom first priority should be PATIDEV but she should be MBA/professional degree holder, Convent educated, STYLISH, fluent in English, working is must and most of all GHARELOO khana banaana aata hai aapki beti ko ???
    maybe I am changing the topic, but after reading this I couldn't stop myself to remember all those bitter things.. hope to read more good stuff form you.

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    1. Thanks a lot, Bhavana :)
      Ha Ha! True :D
      Yes, they want an All-In-One Girl who can do everything!
      No, you are not changing the topic as that's very much relevant as all this is expected only from the Girl. Boy does not have to know cooking or anything :)

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  16. oh my god. such a great way to express this topic. The way you write is so interesting to read..

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    1. Thank you so much, Anuja. Glad you found it interesting :)

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  17. JUST WOW WOW AND WOW .. TOO TOO GOOD

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    1. This is the 1st ALL CAPS comment on my Blog! It shows how much you liked it! Thanks Varsha :)

      Delete
  18. Btw, Anita, this entire rigmarole of putting the onus of virginity on girls in our tradition arises on account of partly religious grounds. Hinduism, as practised then (and to a large extent now too) prescribed that rites should be performed for the departed soul by his son and son's son and so on up to three generations to ensure the passage of the soul to Heaven. THAT is the main reason for a. the age-old insistence on male progeny and b. insistence on women's chastity - since only maternity is fact; paternity is only faith.

    Also, the habit of handing down inheritance through the male line made people feel that they needed THEIR own son to inherit. In the case of Kings, like Ram, the issue was one of what the subjects would think of his sons, if they doubted their paternity.

    All this is only to explain wherefrom those attitudes come - not to JUSTIFY them. Society tends to be unfair to sections of the population and there is no denying that it has been consistently unfair to women.

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    1. Thanks Sureshji for sharing the explanations of theattitudes. All these are valid points.

      I feel- Vishnu's avatar, Shri Ram, meted unjust treatment to his pure wife & set a poor example. Unfortunate that people are still following this (though they may forget other teachings by Shri Ram!)

      Women always have the woes- Woe-Womaniya...

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  19. Good one, Anita! There's way too much hype around the whole V thing. It's a personal choice how you handle it. I loved how you've dissected the movies here! Good going!

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    1. Thanks for reading & commenting :) Yes, I agree.
      V for Vision & Victory too. Hope these words are more Valid than the V-Word in question! :)

      Delete
  20. Funny part is that if we think boys can loose virginity but not the girls then how should they will loose it? by being homosexual? or by taking "professional help" ?? We need to get rid of all these bull shit ideologies and hypocrisy. Very well written. Loved it.

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    1. Thanks Gargi for stopping by & for your appreciation :)
      Yes, high time everyone wakes up & faces the truth as it is, rather than from different lenses meant to view Boys & Girls!

      Delete
  21. Anita I just LOVED your post. Yes there will be people out there contradicting and criticizing your views but you've tackled the delicate topic very well. The way you've voiced your opinions and depicted movies was brilliant :)

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    1. Thanks Soumyaa for your kind words & support :)
      Delighted that my post appealed to you.

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    1. Thanks Datta for visiting my space! Welcome :)
      Great to know that you loved it :)

      Delete
  23. Very serious topic, well described with filmy incidents.

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    1. Yes, Indrani. Topic Serious Hai! Thanks :)

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  24. Brilliant! loved it...
    Very well structured and interesting mix of thought provoking ideas and examples we can easily relate to..

    Appreciate your boldness to write on this topic.

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    1. Thanks Abhishek for stopping by. Welcome to my Blog.
      Nice to hear such nice words from you :)
      Do visit often!
      The topic is IndiSpired thanks to Anmol :)

      Delete
  25. aaaahhhh...your post deserves a standing ovation......wonderful...entertaining and so fresh...:-)

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    1. Thanks for such wonderful words, Isaac :) Lovely that you liked it so much!

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  26. I think in society the concept of virginity is a new phenomenon. In Mahabharata Kunti had Karna out of wedlock. Draupadi was married to five pandavas. She could not have been virgin for all of them. No one objected. Women, however, were expected to follow social norms. That is why Duryodhana felt Draupadi was a fair game. Ram had asked. Sita to go through test of fire. I do not think lord Rama ever questioned Sita's chastity.

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    1. Abhijitji, Do read about the Panchakanya- sacred Virgins in India- I have shared the Wikipedia link in the beginning of my Post.
      I was planning to, but have not mentioned Kunti & Draupadi in my post, as even they are amongst the Panchakanya, who are very sacred.
      Despite being such wise & learned men, Yudhisthira & Lord Ram subjected their wives to injustice. History is getting repeated even now...

      Delete
  27. That was a very creative way of expression, Anita! You put forth the real thing, albeit in bollywood style, but in the most straightforward manner and so comprehensively. Loved it!

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    1. Thanks Arti for your kind words, as usual :) Love your support!

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  28. Amazing post! Loved the filmy examples you have used to point out the social double standards that we women face.

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    1. Thanks a lot, Vinodini, for reading & for your appreciation :)

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  29. Caught the imagination to drive home an important point! Good one!

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    1. Thanks Ilakshee for reading & sharing.
      Hope the imagination of our entire nation is caught & soon there's the much-needed availability of proper support, guidance & education :)

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  30. A bollywood court presentation of the curious case of virginity. Very well written Anita.

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    1. Thanks Preethi. Yes, curious case about virginity :)

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  31. Good post...as always!! Good examples... I watched all the movies mentioned, and thus found it apt that you mentioned them.
    You have put your point in a clear fashion..!!

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    1. Thanks Lancelot. Delighted that you liked it! :)

      Delete
  32. you sure have researched this pretty goood.. Maybe the movies and filmmakers can change their mindset as everyone is influneced by these films , so high time they start to be good and meaningful toooo ..

    Loved the post ..

    Bikram

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    1. Thanks Bikram! Delighted you loved it.
      Actually, no research as all these scenes were in my head. I just wrote & with my views went ahead :)
      Yes, filmmakers have to be responsible as the reel-life & real-life both influence each another.

      Delete
  33. Excellent Post Anita. You have written about this issue so well and I totally agree with your views. Thank you so much for participating for the cause with high spirits. Quoting from and about Bollywood Movies is your ISP as I have always said and you have done it excellently.

    I must confess that I did not even know about Hymen Reconstruction thing before I read the posts by bloggers. It is really a shame for men that to prove her character, a girl has to go through such things.

    Thank you for posting your thoughts :) I really loved your post :)

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    1. Thanks Anmol for such kind words :)
      Nice that you posted this relevant topic that's mostly not discussed.We got an opportunity to share our views.
      Awareness can be raised by spreading info that can further ensure action.
      Info about girls going for Hymen-Reconstruction, despite being Virgins, was very shocking for me...
      May the world usher positive change for girls.

      Delete
    2. It was not really a shock for me how certain people reacted to the topic. But I am glad people like you and some other fellow bloggers have come up with your strong posts to spread awareness and speak up for the injustice and bias and humiliation of women.

      Delete
    3. Thanks Anmol :)
      You get the credit too for sparking off the debate :P
      We need to share and spread awareness...only then change is possible...

      Delete
  34. You have covered all the bases. Very detailed post. I agree with all the points and you have well pointed out the biases in the society and the movies are the best way to do it.

    "I totally agree that a new relationship should be based on truth and trust" and it's true that there are biases against girl. You have put all sides amazingly well. For me this is the best post on this topic among all. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Gaurab, for your kind words :)
      Delighted to earn such lovely comments as my award :)

      Delete
  35. A very well written post Anita covering all the points ...especially with appropriate examples form Bollywood..Really I fail to understand this hype regarding virginity of a girl..an absolutely over rated thing this hymen is...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mani :)
      Yes, girls & women have mostly received unjust deals... Hope to welcome change soon.

      Delete
  36. A very intellectual post Anita......beautifully illustrated. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to my Blog, Priyashi! Thanks for sharing your sweet words :)

      Delete
  37. Virginity- pointlessly hyped and overrated.. I couldn;t agree more with you Anita.. And yes, it is necessary to be honest in a relationship but what does a girl do when all her relationships fail in the hole name of 'virginity'? Maybe that's the reason women refrain from being completely honest in a relationship..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a delicate topic, Anusree.
      We don't know how the partner will react. But- "honesty is the best policy".
      Personally, I advocate honesty as 'truth wins or Satymeva Jayate'. Untruths may make things 'Golmaal' as in the movies of the same name...

      Delete
  38. Virginity is a personal choice, you have beautifully discussed the topic with examples from Bollywood which further highlights the stereotypical nature of our society

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Cifar for reading & for sharing your views. Delighted that you liked it :)

      Delete
  39. Very well written Anita... These days it is hard to find people who are true to themselves and we have to forget about people being truthful to others...

    Regards,
    Sindhu
    Tantu
    The Arts & Me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very rightly said, Sindhu. We have to be true to ourselves first before we can do so with others...
      Honesty is required. May everyone be honest with themselves and with others. Life will be so good.
      Thanks for sharing your candid views :)

      Delete
  40. Very enjoyable read! A delicate topic that you handled with much finesse. Bravo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kathy for reading and commenting :)
      Nice that you enjoyed reading it though it deals with Indian movies and views :)

      Delete
  41. OMG, Anita! How you mix Bollywood so comfortably with what you have got to say! Loved it! :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot, Aayesha! I'll gladly serve the heady Bollywood concoction posts to earn such lovely comments :)

      Delete
  42. awesome write up.. a sensitive topic.. with bollywood clips this is entertaining as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Meera :) Glad you liked it.

      Delete
  43. post is very nyc but there is a hidden truth lies may i ask u one question
    plz tell me wat u want to convey by this post?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for visiting my Blog, Subham.
      Do read my post again to understand what I intended to convey.

      This post was to answer the IndiSpire Topic (shared at the end of my Post).
      I have attempted to express what Virginity & Character mean in the perspective of Bollywood movies, Mythology & life...

      Delete
  44. Virginity custom applies even for guys and not merely for girls. It is considered moral to have abstained from sex before marriage for both partners. May be it is aimed at keeping family bonds stronger without chances of mistrust and divorce.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by & for sharing your views, Rangan.
      Wish everyone upholds such customs. Women are expected to strictly follow, while men are given leeway...

      Delete
  45. lovely post... honest words straight from the heart :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading & for your appreciation, Vartika :)

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  46. As usual your writing is too close to all that I feel. wonderful read.

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  47. Apart from the conspicuous hypocrisy, there is a fundamental question that needs to be addressed in this regard. As you have pointed out repeatedly in your piece that there is an 'organic connection' between virginity and character of a person (more so for the females). The why of this is located in the socially embedded, regressive concept of patriarchy. On a fundamental level it emanates from patriarchy and though men have a vested interest in continuing it, women too tend to consolidate this discourse. Males enjoy a superior status in society and tend to enforce it through 'unsaid' rules and rituals. The sanctity of virginity can be considered as a tool of male domination.

    While there is a lot of talk of women empowerment and equality of status, unless and until the empowerment comes from within the society as an autonomous and unaided consciousness, there will be no cognisable improvement and our society will continue glorifying virginity.

    ReplyDelete
  48. So Nice ...Beautifully discussed the topic with examples from Bollywood

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  49. Blaming her for the cowards that they are. It is because we have never seen people for who they are on the inside that we keep judging them on the things that they do on the outside. Not only do you prison a woman’s body but also her heart and mind, and that, is the end of her life, irrespective of as long as she lives.

    LET’S BE HUMAN, NOT VIRGINS. http://goo.gl/ZXFXft

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  50. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  51. I really not want to certify anyone with virginity, but i can't understand that how virginity can be lost through horse riding or jumping. I just wondered when I read about it. I do not think that sports may harm your virginity. Is it really?

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  52. Thanks Anita for writing about society's double standard on virginity.

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  53. Unfortunately such discriminations are part of our society. The sooner such biases are put to an end the better. Personally I am dead against all such gender biases.

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  54. You put it across very beautifully!Good job!

    ReplyDelete

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