Thursday 4 December 2014

Yes or No To Pre-Marital Sex

This Post won a Grand Prize in the IndiBlogger Contest.

Pre-Marital Sex, sexual activity or relations between unmarried persons, is not acceptable, considered taboo & even a sin in many cultures, religions & countries worldwide.

Saying Yes or No to Pre-Marital Sex is dependent on personal attitude, values and beliefs. 
In today's "modern" world, pre-marital sex is fairly common, especially in the "developed" nations. 

Under-developed & developing nations are also catching up.
India, the land that gifted the world Kama Sutra, is no exception.

Udaygiri Caves depicted in Durga Puja 2014 Old Station Square Pandal, Bhubaneswar, Odisha, India

Saying NO to pre-marital sex, means 'sexual abstinence before marriage' or Virginity.
Virginity is considered pure & sacred as per traditional culture and religions.  

'Children' or those who are not 'adults' or have not reached the legal age yet, ought to say NO. 
However, there are alarming cases where youngsters say YES to pre-marital sex.

Not all pre-marital sexual acts have jubilant endings like that in the movies- 2 States & Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania.
In both these movies, the lead stars are shown to say YES to pre-marital sex and they marry at the end.

Going for pre-marital sex can mean loss of "image" and "character", especially for the girl.
For an unmarried girl, even a male's wink, gaze, touch... is undesirable as per Indian culture. Marriage sanctifies such acts.

Bollywood movies like- Katha, What's Your Raashee? etc. have shown how terrible it is when the girl is ditched post- pre-marital sex. Movies like Kya Kehna, Julie etc. have shown the complications arising out of pre-marital sex acceptance. The Society unkindly refers to them as- "Mooh Kaala","Kalmoohi", "Kalank", "Dhabba" (Face-Black, Shameful, Dark Spot, Blot)...
Suicide or avenging crime or hoping for someone to accept them in that state...seems to be their fate.

How many young men can accept their girlfriend after she informs them- "Main tumhare bachche ki maa banne waali hoon" ? (I am going to be the mother of your baby).

Sadly, a majority are not truly aware & conscious of their action, nor use adequate protection. 
Such careless acts cannot be neglected as they may prove to be life-changing, and may result in suicides,  illnesses like HIV/AIDS, Depression etc...

Another sad thing is the high spurt in the rape incidents. The woman/girl says no to pre-marital sex, but the man/boy says yes to pre-marital sex... 
Even small girls who don't even know the meaning of pre-marital sex have not been spared...

Depiction at Durga Puja 2014 Old Station Square Pandal, Bhubaneswar, Odisha, India
My Compact views:

I feel we are responsible for our well-being. Decisions regarding pre-marital sex may be taken at the right legal age and appropriate state of mind when we are responsible to think, act and support ourselves.

Our life is at stake. We must be prepared to live the consequences of our actions...

If we deny pre-marital sex with responsibility & treat Virginity with sanctity, then there will be lesser horror-stories...

I say NO To Pre-Marital Sex.  

What do you say? Please share in the comments below.

I have also shared my views in my post- Virginity & Character.

Note- These are my personal views.
I am a Bollywood Movies fan.
I am a Parent.
I respect your views and outlook.

YES or NO to Pre-Marital Sex

Poonaam Uppal's True Love - A Mystical True Love Story on Flipkart

This post is for an IndiBlogger Contest.
Also linking it to-
Three Word Wednesday#404 - Compact, Jubilant, Neglected
Two Shoes Tuesday- Sacred


  1. Umm, honestly speaking...there's NOTHING like "sacred" or "purity" attached to virginity. It's an individual's call where he / she actually wants to have sex before or after marriage and with the kind awareness that are being propagated through the media / social networks, I think nobody needs a 'social approval' for the same! :)

    1. Thanks for sharing your views, Sammya :)
      Virginity is considered sacred in several religions as per the Wikipedia article on the topic.
      I have stated in the very 2nd sentence of my post that- "Saying Yes or No To Pre-Marital Sex is dependent on personal attitude, values and beliefs". Also, shared in the conclusion that "I am no Moral Police" :)
      It's up to the individual if she/he is of the right physical & mental age & is aware.
      However, unfortunately, not many who indulge in pre-marital sex are aware, else there would have been no teen/unwed pregnancies/abortions or sexually-transmitted diseases...

  2. Loved your post, especially the conclusion. Well summed up, Anita :)

    1. Thanks for reading & for your appreciation, Aayesha :)

  3. You are definitely right in identifying that opinions on the subject have changed over time. I agree that it is a personal choice, but everyone needs to be coached on protection...from disease and from pregnancy. The biggest tragedy to me is if the woman says no, and the man insists. And she has to bear the burden of the guilt and violence that might ensue. Best to avoid many situations where one might be tempted or taken advantage of.

    1. Thanks for sharing. I totally agree with your views, Linda!
      It's indeed a personal choice and depends on a lot of factors- our upbringing, personality, society, mindset etc.
      Your last line is very correct. Youngsters need to be careful & avoid such situations.

  4. Whatever cultures it is just taboo! Those who give way create lots of excuses about liberalism . It means nothing!


    1. Thanks for sharing your views, Hank. I share the same.
      Times are changing. Still, some support virginity & believe pre-marital sex is taboo, ehile then the liberalists or modernists are fine with the idea! It depends on the individual :)

    2. *while* the liberalists or modernists are fine with the idea!

  5. Very easy to say it's an individual's choice - and it is, in the end, no matter what the culture. We are all responsible for our own actions. Personally, I look at young girls and women today and wonder when we became a society that makes them think they should or they have to engage in pre-marital sex - or boys for that matter! Things like sex and marriage have become far less valued than in previous generations and perhaps that's why the public opinion has changed so. It is a complicated topic. Perhaps if we as a whole society supported young and women in their choices to remain pure and chaste, they would be more comfortable and proud about making that choice.

    1. Welcome to my Blog, Lisa! Thanks for your valuable comment.
      I totally agree with every word you have shared.
      Though we belong to different parts of the world, yet our thoughts connect.
      Even I consider sex & marriage as sacred. We ought to value.
      Not just women, men have the choice to be pure & chaste too. Exercising it needs self-control.
      Everyone has a choice. Parents may have conservative outlook, but youngsters may despise such values & morals...

  6. This was a very well done piece on an important subject. Our society has made it appear that a young girl or boy who has not engaged in sexual activity is somehow inferior, it often leaves them feeling excluded from the group, so there is great pressure to do something they might not be ready for or comfortable with. While it is an unpopular position now, and was when I was young too, to remain chaste until marriage is a thing of honor and value and not to be belittled or mocked. There are so many complications of pre-marital sexual activity, and while it is condoned in the USA, that does not make it a wise choice, especially among individuals so very young. Forced sexual activity is assault - rape, and anyone who does this should be prosecuted. I have no tolerance for such behavior at any age. Intimacy of any kind should always be mutually agreeable, and the participants need to be old enough to understand what they are agreeing to. Thank you for sharing your essay with us at Two Shoes Tuesday, I think you are wise indeed!

    1. Thank you so much for your deep comment & for enriching my post, Josie.
      I share your views & concerns. There is Peer-group pressure & trying to appear "cool" and be included with the crowd & find favor by sharing same beliefs- indulging in sexual activity...
      I can totally identify with your comment.
      Thanks! It's my pleasure to share. I am learning & getting wise thanks to wise company like you :)

  7. Our "Hollywood" glorifies pre-marital sex. Sex in marriage, out of marriage, and cheating on husbands and wifes. It is so sad to see the decline of morality here in the U.S. I like that you are standing on a very true principle. I say not to premarital sex and am praying my daughter will do so too. Thanks for sharing this important issue today. I hope you win the contest too.

    1. Thanks a lot for your lovely words & kind wish, Mary :)
      You have shown the mirror. It's true that morality has declined all over the world, even in traditional societies.
      Apart from severe risk to self, pre-marital sex is also cheating on the poor future unsuspecting partner, when the latter may unknowingly earn a deadly sexual disease for no fault!
      Sad that being moral is "uncool" these days. I support your views and pray the same for my daughter.
      Do hope that morality earns its due :)

  8. Good points Anita! In most of traditional India the choice exercised by most would be in unison with you, though the facts on ground tell a different story:)

    1. Thanks Rahulji. Yes, I agree with you. It's reality :)

  9. It's great to see a post that has such thought and intelligence behind it...

    1. Thanks for reading & for your kind words :)

  10. Great way to present you view on the topic, I like your bollywood inclusion in the post :)

    1. I'm a huge Bollywood fan, hence the inclusion! Glad you liked it, MeenalSonal :)

  11. While laudable to abstain from sex before marriage the rule appears to be one sided and is not applied to the man. Does the bride expect him to be experienced or should they discover a sexual exclusiveness by themselves? From this an endearing and trusting relationship can be formed. Sadly this is not normal today, probably because in both their minds they might wonder if it could be better because sex is such a blatant commodity in entertainment and advertising. What a great subject to choose for your post.

    1. Really appreciate your wise words. I agree with you.
      Thanks for sharing this important point about the one-sided rule where men are less affected...
      Even I have discussed about this issue in my previous post- Virginity & Character
      It's a sad reality...
      This is a contest topic :)

  12. I second your views Anita :) I think, the concept of virginity is to be looked from the other side. Bharatiya samskriti has a scientific base. Right from wearing tilak on our (irrespective of the gender) forehead to doing havans, it is scientific. Our ancestors knew that if they tell the scientific reason, all the people may not follow them but with some story they do. Similarly, Virginity or brahmacharya is important because before entering into Grihastashram (married state) we need to concentrate on our studies at that age. They also mention importance of 'single partner' because, it is the best way to avoid sexually transmitted diseases. Whatever contraceptives used for having 'protected sex with more partners' may not be 100% workable as admitted by the doctors themselves that there are chances of failure.

    To add, the developed countries are developed only in economy but not in well-being.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your views & further enriching our knowledge, Sindhu :)
      I support your reasoning. And yes, contraceptives aren't foolproof.
      May everyone have the right information and be safe.
      Please do write & submit a post for this topic.

  13. I second you views. Glamorization of pre marital sex needs to be stopped. Safe Sex and consensual sex needs to be practiced. Abroad, many teenagers have to undergo critical abortions or bear the unwanted child due to so called modernism. Modernism should be brought in to thought, education, practice. lack of self control is not about "being forward" unless you are major and can own up your decisions.

    1. Thanks for stopping by & sharing your views here, Ekta :)
      I agree with you. Yes, really unfortunate that in India & in abroad, there are unplanned pregnancies & abortions.
      Indeed Modernism has to reflect from our attitude & behaviour & not as an explanation to loss of self-control! Yes, being responsible is important

  14. Many many congratulations on the big win. Happy for you, Anita.

  15. very nicely written :) I wrote on same topic, plz visit and do comment

    1. Thanks for stopping by & reading, Vikram.
      I'll check out your post :)


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