Tuesday, 29 September 2026

Some Common Words and Meanings

                                                             CIGARETTE: 

                                             A pinch of tobacco 
                                                 rolled in paper 
                                            with fire at one end 
                                          and a fool at the other!

 

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MARRIAGE: 
It's an agreement 
wherein 
a man loses his bachelor degree 
and a woman gains her master

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DIVORCE: 
Future Tense 
of Marriage

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LECTURE: 
An art of transmitting Information 
from the notes of the lecturer 
to the notes of students 
without passing through the minds 
of either

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CONFERENCE: 
The confusion of one man 
multiplied by the 
number present

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COMPROMISE: 
The art of dividing 
a cake in such a way that 
everybody believes 
he got the biggest piece

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TEARS: 
The hydraulic force by which 
masculine will power is 
defeated by feminine water-power!

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DICTIONARY: 
A place where divorce comes 
before marriage

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CONFERENCE ROOM: 
A place where everybody talks, 
nobody listens 
and everybody disagrees later on

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ECSTASY: 
A feeling when you feel 
you are going to feel 
a feeling 
you have never felt before

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CLASSIC: 
A book 
which people praise, 
but never read

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SMILE: 
A curve 
that can set 
a lot of things straight!

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OFFICE: 
A place 
where you can relax 
after your strenuous 
home life

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YAWN: 
The only time 
when some married men 
ever get to open 
their mouth

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ETC: 
A sign 
to make others believe 
that you know 
more than 
you actually do

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COMMITTEE: 
Individuals 
who can do 
nothing individually 
and sit to decide 
that nothing can be done 
together

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EXPERIENCE: 
The name 
men give 
to their 
Mistakes

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ATOM BOMB: 
An invention 
to bring an end 
to all 
inventions

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PHILOSOPHER: 
A fool 
who torments himself 
during life, 
to be spoken of 
when dead

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DIPLOMAT: 
A person 
who tells you 
to go to hell 
in such a way 
that you actually look forward 
to the trip

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OPPORTUNIST: 
A person 
who starts taking bath 
if he 
accidentally falls 
into a river

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OPTIMIST: 
A person 
who while falling 
from EIFFEL TOWER 
says in midway 
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

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PESSIMIST: 
A person 
who says that 
O is the last letter 
in ZERO, 
Instead of the first letter 
in OPPORTUNITY

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MISER: 
A person 
who lives poor 
so that 
he can die RICH!

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FATHER: 
A banker 
provided by 
nature

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CRIMINAL: 
A guy 
no different 
from the other, 
unless he gets caught

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BOSS: 
Someone 
who is early 
when you are late 
and late 
when you are early

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POLITICIAN: 
One who 
shakes your hand 
before elections 
and your Confidence 
Later

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DOCTOR: 
A person 
who kills 
your ills 
by pills, 
and kills you

by bills

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Shared by my friend Kalyani almost two decades ago via email.

Which is your favourite? Do share in the comments below.

 


 

 


 


1 comment:

  1. I think some I have read before. All are nice. I liked Committee and Compromise.

    ReplyDelete

Your words mean a lot to me.

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